I saw a picture of a guy with a sexy grin and deep whisky colored eyes. His page read that the loved the outdoors, four wheeling and camping. He seemed so laid back and fun. I figured what the hell! I’m lonely and I would love a new friend if nothing else. So I let him know that I loved those brown eyes. I’m sure someone as good looking as him had heard that all his life though.
Next morning I had a reply from him! I was thrilled; men that were handsome like him usually thought they were too bad ass to respond. But he seemed so down to earth that I got my hopes up. So we chatted and swapped cell numbers.
I remember the first time I heard his voice. Deep and sultry. It gave me shivers just to hear him speak. And he was so funny! He had such a great sense of humor! Telling me funny stories about times up camping, and crazy things he did as a kid. He never made fun of me for being so fearful of so many things. I remember when I told him I was afraid of water and pretty much everything that lived in it. He told me he got nervous about those things too. He was scared to pee off of the skidoo’s “cause a fish might jump up and bite it off”. I loved talking with him after work. We would talk for hours. Sometimes until 3 in the morning, with him having to work the next morning.
I think I was beginning to fall in love with him over the phone. He was so easy to talk to and I loved getting to know him. So… a date was set up. And I began to get scared that he would be a creep. I met him online for god sakes! What was I thinking?!? So I talked him into double dating with my brother and his girlfriend. He was a bit apprehensive, but agreed. The day of the date I had my best friend come with me shopping. We ran all over town looking for the perfect outfit. I bought probably 4 shirts, a new purse and some new shoes. I was determined to look hot for my date. I got home and curled my hair, got dressed, and then took it all off and washed my curls out. I did my hair and makeup so many times I was ready to just call and cancel.
I felt so ugly and gross. He was GORGEOUS! And so interesting! And I was a single mom who lived with her parents. He was so out of my league. Cody and Jo talked me down from my fears, and I finally settled on a white shirt and blue jacket, with worn holey jeans, and old sneakers. I figured if he couldn’t like me as I was then it was best not to get attached. But when I saw him for the first time walking up to me… my heart raced and I was scared all over again! In a word... “Perfection”
He was such a gentleman, and more handsome in person then he was through pictures. I was too nervous to look him in the eye, but that never seemed to discourage him. He even held my hand at dinner. Oh man I had butterflies! He just seemed so cool about it. Way too cool for me lol. And after dinner we bowled. And I sucked. And he was perfect at that too!
Things just kept getting better. He came out to see me a few more times and we kept talking on the phone all hours of the night. He even offered to help me find a car! I remember when I was scared my ex was going to hurt me and kollen, he came rushing over, packed us into his car and drove us out to a hotel for the night. He paid and everything! He did that to keep me and my son safe! What a phenomenal man. I couldn’t imagine what psycho would divorce him?! He was such a good guy. Then he took me at 10:00 one night to get my beloved ‘Bart’. He checked out the car and even test drove it for me to make sure I wasn’t being naive. So sweet.
The next day I found out that my ex died. I was in shock, and he was there. Most of the night, holding me while I drank and cried. He never complained or said “damn woman, I barely know you” he just treated me like his best friend. A friend who desperately needed him. Little did I know he needed a best friend too. I knew without doubt that I loved him. That I had for a while. And I knew that I would love him for the rest of my life, even if he chose not to love me. He was the peanut butter to my jelly. The frosting on my cake. The ying to my yang.
Time went on and wounds began to heal and he stayed with me. All through the crazy tears and pain. he stayed. He was an answer to a prayer that I never had to pray. God knew I needed him. I found out a few weeks later that he needed me too. He had been carrying a heavy weight on his heart that he needed to get off. And as surprised as I was, it never made me think twice about my love for him. I knew the man sitting next to me crying was not the same that had caused pain. The man next to me was humbled and generally good inside. He was golden and perfect, even if he couldn’t see it. And I knew and still know without a doubt that he is sorry and repentant. And I have strength in knowing I can trust him.
I found out a few weeks later that he had even more weight on his broken, heavy heart. He was still married. He loved his wife for so long and her heart had turned cold to him. Pain like that takes a life time to heal. And I wanted to kiss all that pain away. He was hard working and loyal. He was honest and kind. He was so many things I’d always wanted. He was so many things ANY woman wants and would be thrilled to have! So how could this woman hurt him repeatedly and then hurt his children by withholding such a great father from them?! Even though I was disappointed that he had lied I knew love was unconditional, and this was one of those conditions that suck, but is tolerable. So I stayed and prayed that I could find a way to lighten his load, and help him heal.
I broke down about a month later. I couldn’t hold my hurt in any longer and was about to make some horrible choices if I didn’t receive professional help. So I was admitted into McKay physiciatric. And you know what? He stayed! I was ashamed and embarrassed that he saw me like that. But he never turned away. He was so sweet and strong for me in ways I had forgotten how to be. And I fell even more in love with him for being so understanding.
Its been over a year now and we have had several other trials in our lives, and relationship. But I have always felt that we could overcome them.
No comments:
Post a Comment